The connector at I-75/I-85
Complete chaos. I was actually at Joseph's house yesterday evening when all of this started. My parents advised me to stay there for the night, as it was dark and storming outside (probably the only time they would ever recommend that I stay there overnight). I was still stranded there this morning as storms passed overhead. Lightning struck a home less than a mile from Joseph's house, and there was almost nothing left of it. Again, I'm very lucky to be safe and sound, but many in my area are not so lucky.
Please pray for the residents of metro Atlanta. It's going to be a rough week for all of us.
So even though it hasn't been that long, it's time for a change. It's time to tackle the job market yet again and look for something better. I just can't work myself so much and walk away with so little, especially when the work itself isn't rewarding. Maybe it's a conceited thought, but I believe that after working so hard on getting a graduate degree and walking away with zero debt, I deserve something better.
I deserve a job that reflects the hard work I have put forth in getting to this point. Even if it's not where I want to go right away, if I can just find a job that will give me back my independence and grant a little personal freedom, then I can figure out the rest later. It's a deadly sin, but the envy is just getting to me. I can't keep looking at all the pictures of my friends who have great homes, great careers, and are living their lives exactly how they want to live. Meanwhile, I'm living at home, barely making a few hundred dollars every other week, while working myself into the ground and not even having the weekends off. I can do better than that. I will do better than that.
So this next week, I'm coming at the job market from a totally different angle. I will find new ways to market myself and convince others of what I am worth. I will find a better job that will eventually allow to move out and get my own lifestyle back. I think that's the only way I'm going to be satisfied right now. I could always come back to a counseling career later, if that's not going to get me where I'm going.
But all I know for sure is... I can't keep doing what I'm doing now.
It's frustrating when you work so hard towards a goal, and just when you think it's about to actualize, it begins to unravel at the seams. I was able to obtain a counseling job, but from the date of my hire, I was given a month until orientation. During this time, I was instructed to complete 29 hours of training necessary to begin the job. With less than a week until orientation, I have not even been given the tools necessary to begin training, let alone complete it. My fear, now, is that I've been holding out for a job that may not work out. I'm not discounting it yet, but I'm also not feeling very hopeful. I do have another interview this Friday, though I'm not sure what to make of this opportunity and I also haven't figured out how I personally feel about the potential job. I know some may not understand this, but I've worked really hard to get where I am, and I have trouble wrapping my head around abandoning my desired career path before even taking the first step.
And even though I'm working at Target now, I'm hardly working part-time. The most hours I've been able to get for a week is 27, which isn't much at all to me. I don't know how many more marathons I can watch on TV during the day (but thank you, USA, for your Tuesday L&O SVU marathon - much appreciated!). It's a strange in-between position to be in, and after nearly 3 months... I really want to be settled.
My hope was to get a more concrete job schedule going (whether it's with 1 or 2 jobs) and then to buy my own place... a townhome or something similar and move out! I want to live my own life again. I want to have my activities, my schedule, my meals on my terms! It's not that living at home is awful, because it isn't. It just doesn't allow me to live the way I want to live. I feel very limited on so many levels, and I just can't see this working out for months and months on end. But I also have no way of knowing when I will get to do anything different.
Part of me feels like the mystery of what will happen is still somewhat exciting. If i'm not locked into anything, then I still have so many options. I still have choices to make about my future, and maybe even other avenues to explore. But even that feeling is growing dull. Ultimately, even with all of my spare time, I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. Too much is up in the air, and I simply don't know what to make of what I have now.
I'm bored with my life as it is now. And I'm growing impatient waiting for "possibilities."
And yet, here I am... closing in on the hunt, having received my first interview the previous week, for nearly two weeks out, having received a second two days ago for today, and receiving a third today for tomorrow morning. What is the pattern here? There is none. And ironically, these may all be for part-time jobs. What does a person make of this? I have no idea, but what an interesting work life I may have. I am completely uncertain about what life will look like once I am employed, but I am enjoying considering the possibilities. I don't mind working at Target to fill the extra hours, in fact, I'm not above anything. I have a Master's degree, and as long as I am working towards licensure, and I know I'll get there eventually, whatever happens in between is irrelevant.
What a life I lead. And... in the meantime, I am shopping for my next place to call "home." I'm leaning towards buying something with affordable monthly payments, rather than throwing money out on an apartment. I have to figure out some way to invest in my future, especially if I want BIG things in the coming years. And by big things, I don't mean I want to buy a car. I will drive my little Honda until it falls apart, but at nearly 24 (less than 24 hours from now) and in a 3 and a half year relationship... there is a future on the horizon to consider.
Though I am trying to enjoy the uncertainty, I still spend the majority of my days at my parent's house watching TV, surfing the internet, and finding anything to pass the time. Blah... that is simply too boring. Bring on the work!
It's coming. Sooner or later... it's coming.
I see the word "race" everywhere. This idea of people voting because of a candidate's race, and that being how the election was won. Let's be honest, we know that happened, but it happened on both sides. Sad to say that I heard coworkers discussing going to vote (when they had never voted before) not because they cared if McCain was president, but because they didn't want a "black man" being president. That's not voting based on race though, that's just plain racism. If you think the candidate was underqualified or inexperienced, fair enough. But neither of those things can be attributed to his race.
But I voted for Barack Obama. I am a white, middle class, female. And frankly, because of my own personal values, I probably would have voted for the democratic candidate regardless. I don't want to undermine the importance of an African American winning the presidency, because that is a truly historic event that I will remember for years to come. But the polls say that 60% of Obama's votes came from white people... this wasn't just about race. If anything, I hope this election gives hope to our nation, and to the international community, that racism is on the steep decline. I hope that, but growing up in Georgia, I've seen my share of it, and I'm not even a minority.
My point is, I believe this election was fairly won. I believe the last election was fairly won. Don't ask me about 2000, because I'm just not going there. I understand the bitterness, because that's where I've been for the past eight years. I know how it feels to believe that your government does not represent you and is making decisions you don't agree with (or don't even feel are right or just). I know how it feels; I was just there. But this is really bringing out the worst in some people, and that's a shame to see.
He's not even president yet.
I suppose we will all have to wait and see what happens. Who knows with the state of our economy? But I hope that just as this will pass, so will all the negative remarks about race, socialism, communism, and ignorance. It would be interesting to know how this would have played out if Joe Biden had been elected president. I know a lot of the commentary would be different.
Like I said, we will all have to wait and see...
As I have slipped into a nostalgic mood lately, it may be a good time to write a quick entry. It's occurred to me that as the semesters advance in graduate school, I am less and less amenable to the educational setting. To be frank: school sucks, I want out.
Let's check the math here, i'm going on my 6th year of advanced education (beyond a high school diploma). Six years of my life devoted to the pursuit of knowledge and understanding. Personally, I value the training and experience more, but I'm perceptive enough to understand that one cannot come without the other. However, the long and short of it is, I'm tired of being a student. Between work, classes, and my internship, I am pulling 35+ hour weeks here. And while you full-time employees are probably snickering at this, you probably don't have to go home at the end of the day and read dozens of textbook pages or write countless papers. On that measure, 35+ hours is probably conservative.
Truthfully, I have never minded being a student, but there has got to be so much more than this. At what point does education translate into the fulfilling career that I am putting all this labor, time, and tears into? That is what I am ready for. No more papers, no more endless reading, no more exams. Just a career.
I say this now because I'm exhausted. I haven't had a real vacation since I started this program in August of 2007. I have been a full-time student ever since. And to top off the busy courseload this semester, I am looking at comprehensive exams in November. I'm just ready to be done with all of this. I'm tired... really tired.
Okay, rant is complete.
Now I'm going to bed... I have a 6:00AM wake-up call and a 10 hour day tomorrow with work, clients, and Drug Court group.
(although... facilitating group therapy with court mandated substance abusers is kinda fun) ;-)
The shelf I bought at the beginning of the last academic year was intended to hold 92 DVDs, and could hold most of my tv series collections as well with a little room to grow. That... is no longer the case. I can't put all of my single DVDs that shelf, and Joseph was kind enough to give me a shelf that he had which he wasn't using. It has 4 shelves and should hold 300 some odd DVDs. Well, I have nearly filled 2 shelves of that just with single DVDs, and the bottom shelf is nearly full with all of the tv series. See for yourself:
Yeah, that's pretty crazy. If you're wondering, the top shelf is full of some of my paperback books and my favorite CDs (but you probably weren't wondering that, I'm just volunteering information). In an odd way, I find this sort of thing lovely... my lovely little collection :-)
So, how did it get so big? Well, I have added quite a few movies since my last post about movies. Here are just a few of those that I have added to my collection:
[In order (left to right): Anna and The King, The Painted Veil, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen, The Night Listener, Babel, The Shawshank Redemption, I Am Legend, Mr. Brooks, Romeo + Juliet, American Gangster, Silence of the Lambs]
Again, this is merely a sampling. And to top this all off, I've discovered a lovely little website:
www.watch-movies.net
I mean seriously, the world is fueling my addiction. I have used this to actually view movies that I always meant to see but never did (Schindler's List and Sophie's Choice, for example).
In terms of my DVDs, the most recent one I have watched was The Painted Veil, which was an absolutely beautiful movie that captures the complexities of love and portrays a likely scenario between a man and a woman (despite the fact the movie is set in 1920s China). Definitely worth the view.
Now, as for movies in theaters, I could gush about Sex And The City, but that seems unnecessary. So rather... let's talk about WALL-E.
Wow! What a movie! If you can get past all of the horrendous kiddie previews (go to the concession stand when the Chihuahua one comes on... it's for your own good), the movie itself is a beautiful work of art with some very simple and tender messages. The two main characters are endearing, even if they are robots limited to less than 5 words (WALL-E may be limited to two... not counting the "whoa" sounds). The "awww" factor is ever-present, and the message is... not so subtle, but the movie overall captures something that recent films have really been lacking. It's Pixar. It's amazing. Just see it.
Well, this wraps up my movie update. I'm currently standing at 114 (titles, not DVDs - some are double features), and it will be interesting to see how many more I get hold of before I graduate next May. Hopefully it will be a while before I say "I need a bigger shelf"
;-)
- Mood:
complacent - Music:Charlotte Martin - The Dance
That song is so catchy... it just gets in your head and won't get out! So yeah... the point is, she'll make it :-)
In the meantime, vote for David Cook!
So, other summer TV shows... the return of my absolute favorite:
So excited! OH... and of course we can't forget the long awaited return of Grey's Anatomy, which should be interesting given the return of Addison and Ava (or is it Rebecca?) to the show in the same episode! TV is so awesome. Or it means I have no life, not really sure on that one.
So... in other news. Last Friday, I saw 4 clients in a 5 hour time frame. Wow... a taste of what the work is really like. I loved it. Plus, a client actually thanked me for the work I've done with them.
AWWWWWWWWWW!
That was so awesome :-)
So, my practicum experience is fabulous. However, the four other interns are all graduating, which leaves me (alone for the summer) to carry the caseload for anybody who wants to be counseled at a discount. Should be a very interesting and busy summer, especially since I'm planning to start working with substance abuse.
Second semestser finishes up this week, which means only 3 remain. I graduate (again) in approximately one year. In Joseph's word: "frickin' yeah!" I think he's more excited about me graduating than I am lol.
So... I really should be studying, but I think I'm heading to bed tonight. More updates later!
- Mood:
giddy
Hello.
So... it must be that time of year again... time for some personal changes.
This year has been all about self-reflection, self-critique, and self-understanding. The common denominator- self. I've learned several lessons this year that have taught me about differences and perception, and how other people see me and see my place in the world. A lot of it has involved criticism... some deserved, and maybe some not. The point is, it's been a year of taking a good hard look at myself, and figuring out what is important to keep, and what I need to let go.
More and more, I see that my primary defense mechanisms are humor and intellectualization (others probably see this too). Now, even though these are defense mechanisms (and therefore somewhat negative)... of all the defense mechanisms I could have, these might serve me well as a counselor. Maybe that's the optimist speaking, and maybe it's true. Humor is important for therapy (in my opinion) and intellectualizing... well, isn't that part of what makes me qualified for this? After all, it's not me opening up in the session, it's the client.
Some have said (or hinted) that I'm immature, too sensitive, and perhaps a bit irrational. Others have said I'm kind, indelible, optimistic, and personable. Okay... yes... yes I am all of it. And that's fine, maybe that's the way it should be. I'm twenty-two going on twenty three... I have too much life left to live to take myself too seriously, so sometimes I'm immature. I'm self conscious, and that tends to make me very sensitive to what other people think of me. And though I may seem irrational to you, my view of the world is entirely different.
The purpose of all this is simply to say that as far as my personality goes... I don't see any changes to be made. But as far as my interactions with other people go... I see room for improvement. This may seem backwards, but to kick off this whole thing, I'm starting with something irrelevant. I've been telling myself for years that I'm going to get in shape and get the figure I've always known I could have. Well, no more excuses. I have started, and I'm on my way.
Now, just to preface this, I'm not looking for any "oh you're skinny already" or "you don't need to lose weight." That's not the point. The point is I'm out of shape, and would for once, like to enjoy going to the pool or going to the beach without being so self conscious. So, I'm going to keep track of my progress, and hope that I will reach my goal before summertime.
My goal has always been 110 pounds. Seems appropriate given my height and age, and it seems like an attainable goal. This has been going on for about a week and a half, so here's where I'm at.
Starting weight: 121 pounds
Weight as of 4/18/08: 118 pounds
Looks like I'm on my way. A little Slim-Fast, a little pilates, and some good long walks. Not to mention a HUGE reduction in chocolate intake. So... 8 pounds to go... let's see if I can get there :)
By now, I'm sure most of you have heard about the criminal case involving the beating of a 16-year old girl by 6 other girls with the assistance of 2 boys. What makes this case interesting is that much of the beating was caught on video, with the intention of posting it on YouTube. You don't have to see the whole thing to see how brutal this beating was. The footage shown on the news is more than sufficient for giving that impression.
If you haven't heard about the story, here is the latest from CNN:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/10/girl.f
The facts of the case are often confused, but I believe it goes something like this:
- the victim was accused of "trash talking" the other girls (or at least one of the girls) - some clips of the video even talk about "cheating" with a "boyfriend"
- the victim was planning to stay at the home of one of the girls over spring break
- at the home, she was confronted by the other girls, beaten unconscious (not caught on video?) and thrown onto a couch in another room
- the video picks up at this point, showing several girls punching, slapping, or kneeing the victim amidst relentless yelling and encouragement to continue the beating
- at the end, the victim was said to have been forced into a vehicle, where three of the girls drove her to a remote location, dropped her off, and threatened to beat her "even worse" if she went to the police
- injuries sustained include several concussions, hearing loss, and some difficulty seeing out of one eye
Now, here's what I don't understand: why would you put a video of a beating on the internet... your face is on it, people will see it... don't you think there will be punishment for that? Granted, the video was intercepted before it was posted to YouTube, but the intention has been proven. The brutality of it is simply shocking. I can't imagine what the victim could have done that could possibly "warrant" such a beating.
Now, here's where I get really angry. It's been all over the news. I've heard people blame YouTube... and write the incident off as "teens expressing their anger"... some even blaming the victim for "provoking the attack". Much controversy now surrounds the fact that the teenagers are intended to be tried as adults and may be convicted on felony charges. But still, even a psychologist here and there will say, "they're only kids... they don't know the full extent of what they're doing."
Wow, so many issues to tackle here. First things first, YouTube is not to blame. YouTube did not jump off the monitor and beat that girl. I don't believe the media is to blame for violent acts. Violence is everywhere, and exposure to it does not indicate that an individual will be aggressive. As far as this being "normal teenage anger," is this the type of behavior to be expected from girls of this age? I might expect a schoolyard fight or a lunchroom brawl, but certainly not something of the calculated and vicious nature of this incident. There are better ways of expressing anger, and teenagers age fourteen and beyond know the difference. Yes, the teens are expected to be tried as adults. The legal system does permit teenagers over the age of 14 to be tried as adults, usually at the discretion of the judicial system. Honestly, I think that's fair. There are felonies involved in this case, including felony battery and felony kidnapping. These are serious charges that I do not feel would be appropriately handled within the juvenile justice system, but that is just my opinion. The courts need to show that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. The rumors of life sentences are extreme, and highly unlikely given the crimes, but it's important to note the full extent of injuries inflicted.
Frankly, I'm embarrassed that psychologists would argue that these teens do not understand the extent of their actions. Even as minors, these teenagers are old enough to have a good understanding of not only the inappropriateness of their behavior, but also the expected consequences. I don't think age is an excuse, and if it is, at what age would this be unacceptable? Does the fact that most of the girls were 16 (only 2 years shy of being considered legal adults) suggest a different level of accountability? At what point do the teenagers become responsible for themselves? They're old enough to independently operate a motor vehicle, they're old enough to accept responsibility for their actions. My honest opinion.
The bit about "blaming the victim" was actually taken from an interview with a parent of one of the attackers. Again, whatever that girl did surely did not warrant that brutality. What she did, though still unclear, seems more appropriate with what might be expected from teenage girls. Strangely enough, this sheds some light on violence perpetrated by females. There are thought to be fewer instances, when research suggests that females might actually perpetrate more violent acts, which often include psychological and emotional damage. I don't have a specific research article to pin to this, but just look... the research is there.
So, this news article raises a lot of questions that I'm throwing out to the LJ community.
Does YouTube hold any fault in this?
What about the parents? Are they (in full or in part) responsible?
Is it appropriate to charge these teenagers as adults?
How might the case be different if there was no video evidence?
Lots of interesting points to ponder. Think about it, but don't forget to think about the implications a case like this would have on similar cases, both current and future. This is not an isolated incident.
Unfortunately, crimes like this are happening everywhere.
- Mood:
irritated
Hard to rebound from that last entry huh? Well, let's try something a bit more to my taste. It should come as no surprise that I have continued to increase my movie collection at an exponentially greater rate. Here are some of my latest additions:
The Silence of the Lambs (took me way too long to get this)
Enchanted (if you haven't seen it, don't laugh at me)
Atonement
Footloose and Flashdance (ha)
Fracture
Marie Antoinette
Running With Scissors
Stranger Than Fiction
Ten Things I Hate About You
Sweeney Todd
The last, of course, being the most recent as it only came out last week I believe. I bought that one on a whim actually, because I simply cannot resist movie musicals. I swear, they're making a comeback! This movie was very interesting. Thank you Mr. Burton for exposing the musical talent of Johnny Depp, and further promoting the talent of Helena Bonham Carter. Well done. I will say, however, was all of that blood really necessary? I beg to differ. Then again, it is a Tim Burton film... remember Sleepy Hollow?
"Sweeney's waiting. I want you bleeders."
Delightfully chilling.
I have been jumping genres left and right lately. I literally went from watching Pride & Prejudice to Sweeney Todd, and recently The Virgin Suicides. I like a little variety I suppose. In terms of seeing films in theaters however, the last movie I saw was Ms. Pettigrew Lives For A Day. Not really what I would have chosen to see, but I let my mother pick the film. I have to say, it was a wonderful surprise. A simple movie with a simple storyline that literally takes place in a day, but is made interesting with wonderful performances by Frances McDormand and Amy Adams. It was charming to say the least, and had a good message too.
I can't say I'm impressed with any other movies out right now. It's disappointing really. I would much rather see movies that have already been released, like The Brave One, or see a movie I've already seen again, like I Am Legend. Maybe I'm not thinking of a good movie that is out right now though.
I'm curious for your thoughts?
You know, I had been meaning to do some work on my car. It's in need of a little maintenance... a few checks here and there. However, I did not need YOUR kind of help in "working" on my car. Perhaps you were unaware of this, but when backing out of a parking space, it's generally a good idea NOT to cut your front wheels too soon, as this will cause you to hit/scrape/dent the car next to you, and make it difficult for you to get out of the parking space without doing further damage. While some might think the 3 foot long scratch and matching dent you gave me add "character" to my car, my car was looking very good without your assistance.
Furthermore, I would like to point out your indecency in handling the matter. Obviously you were aware that you hit my car. The size of the dent and associated scratch are easily indicative of that. However, my anger comes more from the fact that you did not have the COMMON COURTESY to leave a note explaining your mishap. How cowardly of you to simply drive off, knowing that you caused considerable damage to someone else's vehicle.
Thank you very much for adding to my continuously expanding list of things to complain about. I can now look forward to putting some good time and money into something I am not responsible for. And you know, it's not like I haven't been parking on a college campus for four and a half years now. I'm used to the occassional door scratch and dent, but this... this is blatantly disrespectful and verging on vandalism.
So thank you again for all you've done. I hope another complete stranger shows you the same "respect" you have shown me sometime in the near future. Perhaps then you will appreciate the anger I am currently experiencing.
Have a nice life... jerk.
Sincerely,
Me
Movies.
Lots and lots of movies.
In fact, I currently own about 82 movies. I say about, because a certain boyfriend has borrowed a significant amount of movies... all of which I cannot remember. So the number now stands at 82. Many of the movies I've bought. Some were given to me. Others were "borrowed" from family members, but the number currently stands at 82, and will probably top 100 within the year. Crazy I know, but I love it! For those who might be curious, here is my movie list (in alphabetical order no less)!
Across The Universe
Alfie
American Beauty
Anywhere But Here
Be Cool
Big Fish
Blood Diamond
Bridget Jones’s Diary
The Butterfly Effect
The Cell
Center Stage
Chicago
Cold Mountain
The Company
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Darfur Diaries
The Devil Wears Prada
Donnie Darko
Dream Girls
Elizabethtown
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Ever After
The Family Stone
Fight Club
Finding Neverland
Flashdance
Footloose
The Fountain
The Four Feathers
Frailty
Fun with Dick and Jane
Garden State
Girl, Interrupted
Hairspray
Hitch
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
I ♥ Huckabees
The Interpreter
Invisible Children
Jerry Maguire
Just Friends
Just Like Heaven
Kill Bill (Volume 1 & 2)
King Arthur
A Knight’s Tale
The Lake House
Legends of the Fall
Little Black Book
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Lucky # Slevin
Man in the Iron Mask
Mean Girls
Memoirs of a Geisha
Merlin
Miss Congeniality
Monster’s Ball
Moulin Rouge
The Patriot
Pearl Harbor
Phantom of the Opera
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Premonition
The Prestige
The Princess Bride
Rent
Requiem for a Dream
Shall We Dance
Sideways
Stepmom
Stuck on You
Sydney White
Thirteen
V for Vendetta
The Virgin Suicides
Wedding Crashers
What Dreams May Come
Where the Heart Is
X-Men (1 & 2)
Π
So there you have it - my ridiculously long list of movies. And I'm posting this as I'm watching Gone With The Wind (I would say I own that one as well, but it's a video, and I'm only counting DVDs). Anyway, feel free to comment... even I'll admit that my taste in movies is...
interesting.
- Music:soundtrack to Gone With The Wind?
That's beside the point... hello again livejournal.
According to you, it has been 23 weeks since my last update. My apologies, especially since Xanga and Blogger might tell you differently. What can I say? Decisiveness and consistency are not my fortes.
Regardless, I meet you again at the dawn of a new semester, and a new challenge in graduate school. In a matter of weeks, I will hold the privilege of calling myself a therapist. I will receive my first clients, and will begin the path that will lead me to (what I can only hope will be) a promising career.
I write here, because I took a moment to reflect on what was written here years past. Even I cannot believe how much I have changed... how much I have grown. In many ways, not discounting a recent haircut, I hardly recognize myself. I'm braver than I thought, smarter than I realized, and willing to take chances. I am taking more and more everyday.
I am 22. Young still, but naive no longer. They don't call me "sweetheart" anymore. Now it's "Miss" or "Young Woman." Call me whatever, at least I feel more like the adult I've wanted to be for so long.
I write this here because this place has been around for a long time. There are many memories here, both good and bad. And here they will remain no doubt. Life surges on regardless.
In closing, all I can say is... I hope all is well for whoever sees this. Old friends or strangers. I simply wanted to say that for me and for now...
life continues to be blissful.
- Mood:
hopeful
I hope you are all enjoying the holidays as much as I am. I received a bunch of lovely goodies that I cannot wait to take back to school... my mother even bought me a Coach purse! I know guys probably won't understand the significance of that, but the girls will ;)
Joseph gave me a lovely new silver watch for Christmas... just what I needed since my other one is old and scratched up. I went to his family Christmas party last night and it was really quite enjoyable. Everyone was so nice, and his family is a lot of fun. His mother is so sweet too, I really hope she likes me.
Nothing much else is new right now... I'm done with work so I can relax for the remaining two weeks of my break. I'm off to Hilton Head tomorrow and will return on New Years Eve... hopefully the twins and I will be able to come up with something fun to ring in the new year. I will be very grateful when 2005 is over. I'm hoping to make a fresh start in 2006.
Well, here's wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday. Take care everyone :)
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:"All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey
I just read over the last entry before this... and dang, that was a long time ago. It's been another one of those crazy semesters, but more than ever I'm beginning to appreciate all the little surprises that life keeps throwing at me. I love it: the more I embrace it, the better things get. I won't lie though, there were some very rough moments during the semester, but looking at it now it all served some purpose.
So, I owe an update here. First, the random junk: my weight is at an all time low since starting college, I can run nearly 2 and 1/2 miles nonstop, I have learned my roommate is a really fun drunk, I have learned about all the random friends I have, and I have become addicted to coffee. Good stuff, now for the real updates. My research is done... A+ paper... hell yeah. The hardest semester (academically speaking) is nearly over. And then there's Joseph... the new boyfriend. I say he's new, he's actually stuck with me for a month now. So here's the story on this guy: I actually met him over a year and a half ago. Guess where? Target... that's right, a coworker. Well, a former coworker, he quit working there shortly after I left to go back to school Fall of 04. For some reason unknown to both of us, we were able to keep in touch over AIM all while I was away at school. We were not especially close or anything, but maintained some sort of cyber friendship during that entire school year. Yes, that means from the beginning and end of Alex, and the beginning and end of Robert. Quite a lot of history, and he had a firsthand look at it all. Now, while at Target, Joseph was dating another coworker... and they broke up shortly before I left for college that year. He had been single ever since... which is really shocking. Anyway, a month and a half ago, I pitched the idea of him coming to visit... jokingly. But he came. Just a friend... totally platonic. He came for the weekend as a friend, and left as a friend. But sometime on Saturday night... I became curious... potential boyfriend?
Now, i'm a lot bolder than I used to be. And after 4 months alone... I was sick of the single life. I figured I had little to nothing to lose. I pitched the idea, he accepted, and returned the following weekend as my boyfriend (no preliminary dating necessary). Sounds crazy right? That's because it is. There is no explaining it. It just works, end of story. Interesting though... yet another "J" and of course he is younger than me (1 year and 2 months). It seems like more because he only just graduated high school last year. For those of you now laughing- shut up. And by the way, I am not a cradle robber, it's a year! haha. There are some weird similarities between us. Everything from our music tastes (he's a fellow evfan)to our houses (same floor plan, same layout, same colors). It's weird, but I like it.
:)
^That's me smiling, that happens a lot now. So, I'm halfway through 20. 1 year and a half of my college education left. It's going by so fast. But you know, I'm ready to get on with life. I've got plans, I've got goals... it's all waiting in the not too distant future. One day, I might very well be Dr. Amanda... now that is cool. Anyway, this is long enough so I'll leave it at that.
*On another note, if you have not seen RENT- go see it now! It's fantastic and the music is superb :)*
- Mood:
jubilant - Music:RENT
I'm not on the computer for 2, maybe 3 days tops. Whereas Amy and I have been exchanging emails daily, after two days... her email merely says:
"are you dead?"
sweet. I admire the concern. However, she would not have received an answer if in fact I was. Such an awkward question. Something more like, "where have you been?" or "why haven't I heard from you?" seems a tad more appropriate. I'm missing the sentimental value in "are you dead?".
No. I am not.
confused. inquisitive. ponderous. I am. My question lately runs somewhere along the lines of "what do I have to offer?" A fair question don't you think? Beauty is not enough, and I won't inflate my ego by suggesting I am some post-highschool turnaround case, or even college homecoming queen material. But that is the only reflection I see from the male gender subjects I study around me. A pretty face? Come on, there must be more than that.
But, you have to wonder. If something isn't good enough for one person, then what else do you have to give? Or is it perhaps another person you must find who would appreciate the more hidden qualities. I promise you, I am much deeper below the surface. I just want someone to see that.
I have spent the past several weeks coming up with as many methods as possible to improve myself (by my own standards of course). I have lost about 6 lbs. this summer, my skin is clearer than it's ever been, and I'm slowly regaining self confidence. Not an easy matter at all though from what I've been through. I've even given yoga a try. It's actually effective... but I'm not sure it's what I would recommend for weight loss. It's really more of a stretching, relaxation of the body and mind type activity. Pilates is an entirely different story. My stamina for jogging has much improved too. I'm closing in on two miles now without stopping to walk.
I have goals, and dang it, I'm gonna get it.
I'm going to embrace this new school year... as a chance to start fresh. New activities, new people... and dare I dream, new relationships. I want to get back on track with me. The closer I get to achieving the things I want, the more different I feel than I was before. It's been a crazy summer, but I'm determined not to go back the way I left. I'm 20 years old now... I had to write that on my paperwork for the oral surgeon this morning, and it threw me. I lost track of some things that I wanted because of other people I knew. Well that's over, I'm getting back in touch with me now.
Good lord. I need to learn some form of psychological therapy, I'm starting to sound more like a head case with each passing sentence.
So, in closing: I'm not dead... I'm more alive. I'm not holding on to the past, I'm making my own future. Case closed.
On another note: War of the Worlds- awesome, like a roller coaster ride. Fantastic Four- a lackluster, cheesy movie (not to say it wasn't entertaining). Take it or leave it. I have no comments on music, because I'm so out of the loop right now. Suggestions needed.
Comments welcome :)
- Mood: amused
- Music:"Cool" - Gwen Stefani
- Mood:
depressed
ERRRRRROOOOOOOODDDDDIIIIINNNNNGGGG
*add a Jim Carrey voice and it will make more sense*
Psh, ya'll probably have no idea what i'm talking about. Anyway, on to some good news (at last). My car is now street legal again. The lost brake lights just turned out to be a loose plug. No big deal. Even better, the diminished value claim came back from the insurance company- $2100.00
Now that's MORE LIKE IT!
Now I have money to put towards a new car, which... I do believe the dealership that screwed it up so much in the first place is now much more willing to make a bargain with me. Yay, small victory.
so... 1 week, 2 days...
what's the most amount of time you should go without talking to your girlfriend? what about your best friend? what about even a close friend? I have a feeling the answer is less than that. Hmph, toss me aside like that. I hope he's using all this time to come up with a very... very very good excuse. yep, very good one.
i just had a McFlurry, so i'm a bit on the sugary side now. Aww crap, i got nothin left to talk about on my sugar buzz. i got hit on by the guy at the drive-thru by the way... ewww. That only ever happens when I'm buying a McFlurry. Weird. I'm hoping to go see Bewitched tonight, then tomorrow, i'm going to dinner (and maybe a movie) with Craig. And you know what? There's no way I'm telling Robert about. Nope, no sirree. Like he cares anyway. If I were really mean, I'd just go out with some random guy. No, I would leave a message that I'm going on an actual date with Craig. No wait, can't do that... that might make him happy. Then, he wouldn't have to worry about hurting my feelings, cuz I'll be taken care of. Then everyone is happy.
Yeah... right.
I wonder if he is happier not talking to me... maybe that was the whole point. Whatever, I'm going to work off that McFlurry- later!
- Mood:
crazy - Music:"Incomplete" (you know it's a good song)
First thing's first. For those who don't know, I flew to D.C. last weekend with my dad to see the sites for the first time ever. I tell you, for only being there Friday morning to Sunday afternoon, I sure saw A LOT. Here's a list of everything:
1. Museum of Natural History (Smithsonian) 2. Museum of American History (Smithsonian) 3. Union Station 4. Arlington Cemetary 5. JFK gravesite (at Arlington) 6. Robert E. Lee's old homestead (also part of Arlington) 7. the Capitol 8. The White House 9. Dwight D. Eisenhower Executive Building 10. Renwark Art Gallery 11. Thomas Jefferson Memorial 12. FDR Memorial 13. the Lincoln Memorial 14. the Washington Monument 15. Vietnam Memorial 16. Korean War Memorial 17. World War II Memorial 18. Air and Space Museum (Smithsonian) 19. National Art Gallery...
i think that's everything, I'm probably forgetting something... i'll have to keep thinking about it. I saw the eternal flame at Arlington, it's right next to JFK's gravesite... and it literally never goes out. Oh oh OH, how could I forget- I saw the changing of the guard ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown. Wow, it's such a big deal. It's very inspiring though, to think of all the millions of Americans who died in the wars that no one knows of... to have a memorial in their honor. Amazing.
This was interesting too, out of curioscity I did a search to see if there was anyone on the Vietnam Memorial Wall with my same last name. Turns out, there was one name, from a nearby city in Georgia... an actual family relative. Something like my grandfather's uncle's brother or something. Crazy, but I found his name on the wall. 4 section W and line 21... there it was. Talk about completely unexpected. So it was a great trip and I really learned a lot... it's a trip i think everyone should make sometime during their life.
Now... on to more serious matters.
Lately, I feel a lot of anger? Why you ask? Why should such an optimistic person be angry? Well, i'll tell you. First, I'm angry because my boyfriend called out of the blue last Wednesday night to break up with me. The result of that conversation... well, even I don't know. I might be an ex-girlfriend to him now, but I wouldn't know... we didn't really get to finish talking about it. Second, 6 days later, I have not heard from him at all. After coaxing mutual friend Craig to call and check in on him and receiving no response, I send him a text. The reply was simple:
"Hey, my grandfather's health took a dive, so I am up in Delaware and New Jersey visiting him and other family for a long while. Hope all is well. Talk to you later."
...now, some of you may look at this and say "whoa, this girl is overreacting"... but you just don't understand. For six days, the craziest ideas went through my head. For six days I thought that he had already gotten over me, and that he didn't even care to talk to me anymore. This is Robert... the boy who said that he had fallen for me. He called to break up with me, and then I don't hear from him at all. And, to date, that was all I heard from him, I sent him more messages and got no response. It's now been well over a week since the last time we spoke.
You know what, I'm just sad. I'm sad that he didn't even care enough to tell me that he was going out of town, or even just to say that he wouldn't be able to talk for a while. I got nothing, you don't even treat friends like that. Even Rebecca called him a few days ago and he never responded to her either. I feel completely useless... and my heart is just crumbling.
crumbling... and not quickly.
I keep thinking about how he made me promise that the last time we saw each other, it wouldn't be the last time ever. That it wasn't goodbye, it was just so long for now. It sounds more and more like a lie. I don't want to be mad or spiteful, but this just isn't fair. I don't like being treated like this, but I still can't help it. I still have strong feelings for this guy.
What the heck is wrong with me?
This is so frustrating... I'm going to go watch Gilmore Girls.
- Mood: frustrated
- Music:"What If" - Coldplay
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
imaginary16- imaginary16
Syndicate
